Cut To The Chase

You will never believe what happened to me this morning! I hardly believe it myself. I was going about my morning routine: washing up, prepping Clara, getting ready for work - when I heard a strange noise from the downstairs living room. It sounded like someone was shuffling through the drawers in the kitchen. Colin had long since left for school. I grabbed a camping knife I keep upstairs and slowly crept down the staircase. There was a tall man in the kitchen, rummaging through the junk drawer: I wasn't alone in the house...

Just as soon as he realized I had caught him, he bolted out the front door and into the hazy morning. It was just instinct to run after him. I chased him down the block, around the corner and down the main street. Adrenaline fed my heart and feet, and I slowly gained on him as he fled into the wooded area west of the neighborhood. He vaulted over the brush, but I still recklessly pursued him into the forest. Try as I might, however, I lost sight of him, and track of my surroundings.

Lost. In the middle of the woods. On a work day. Chasing some no-doubt crazy person I caught in my home. Only me...

The trail suddenly went from stone cold to on fire: the man had tried to get behind me and run the other way while I had lost sight of him. He, however, didn't see the large tree branch on the ground, tripped and landed with a thud. I ran toward the commotion just in time to see him get back to his feet. This was my chance! I ran at him with everything I had and shoulder slammed him face first into the dirt.

“Game over, asshole!” I said as I stood over him, knife in hand. At first, he was very stunned as he held his bleeding nose, but to my surprise he began to laugh. Admittedly, this had me a little rattled. It was all I could to keep from kicking him. “And what’s so funny?” He replied, through his bloodied nose and laughter, “Read the first word of each paragraph!”