Clara's daycare was closed the week before Memorial Day, as Noni took in some very much needed R&R down south of the border. Normally we just fall back on an alternate backup, but she was unavailable for the week as well. When our backup for the backup canceled on us, we started sweating a little. I mean, how were we going to sort that week out with no child care? That would mean one of us had to stay home and take the week off, possibly unpaid! Or does it...There I go. Thinking again. What have I warned myself about thinking... I posed the issue to my manager and he agreed that it would be OK this once to set my phone up with mobility to the house number and let me remote in from home. After all, I just had to stay on top of my service requests, take calls that come in and be available for questions on issues as they arise. Nothing I can't do from the comfort of my own home!
Now, don't get me wrong. I've read all the literature and all the reports, all coming to the same conclusion that telecommuting is the next best thing since this. Don't click that. But none of them took into account trying to present oneself as an IT professional in the presence of a 3 year old. So, for your entertainment, here are the best WTF moments, presented as a week in review.
Disclaimer: Never let it be said that I didn't warn you of the destructive potential of children.
WTF Moment #1: On the very first day... No... I can't even call it that, because the day had not really started yet. Clara decided that it was time to get up at the butt-crack of 4am. This child goes to bed after we do and wakes up before us. D was good enough to get up and get her ready for me for the day, but shortly after she had left, Clara decided that it was time to wake me up with a vengeance. She dropped trou and let loose (in all senses possible) all over the carpet in the loft. As if to add insult to injury, she tracked it a few times across the air uptake to the central air unit, then burst into my room squealing. I had just changed her into clean clothes and begun to clean that up when she performed an encore downstairs. It was clear that this week was to rock like no other.
WTF Moment #2: As I'm trying to confirm a complicated procedure with a client, Clara runs into my office and, at the very top of her lungs, screams in an otherworldly shrill voice "DADDY I POO POO ON FLOOR EWW STINKY!" I'm glad I didn't have to explain that one to the customer: she'd already had three of her own and saluted my efforts in attempting to work from home with a toddler.
WTF Moment #3: After logging into the call queue for the morning, I hear a scuffle in the kitchen, followed by a loud thud and a yelping dog. I go over to the dining area to find Clara with a salt shaker, no doubt procured from the cabinets above and, after using Suzie to break her fall from the counter, began lightly salting herself and the carpet and tasting it. I asked her what she was doing, to which she could only respond by looking cute and stating that it "need salt."
WTF Moment #4: Clara has been pretty good with potty-training, despite my ranting on here to the contrary. It's only the mornings and while she's sleeping that get her. Most of the time, she goes to the restroom all by herself and only needs some help getting dressed afterward. So it's not unusual to hear the toilet flush at random. It is unusual to hear it flush 4-5 times in a row in quick succession, followed by some angry backtalk from the plumbing. Artur always said "Plumbing don't talk," so I decided to see what my child had summoned. Turns out, whatever it was, she was trying to appease it by feeding it toilet paper. She had placed one end of the roll into the toilet, and was watching it spin wildly as she flushed. When she saw I wasn't anywhere remotely as amused as she was, she tried to explain herself, saying "Daddy, potty eating! Om Nom Nom!"
I couldn't help by crack a smile.
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